I can’t believe it’s been nearly two years since I’ve blogged!
My last post was on Netflix’s Cuties, and it resulted in a woman named Vicki
Dalia reaching out to me and inviting me to read The Long Shadow of Darkness: A Season of Remembering and Healing, a book that she coauthored with her husband,
Jody. I assured her that I would do so, and—while I may be slow—I’m at least true
to my word! I finally finished their work this morning, and I wanted to share
my thoughts about both it and the subject matter.
This true story is often difficult to read because the
subject matter (sexual abuse, ritualistic abuse, Satanism, and child sex trafficking)
is difficult to process. Awareness about such abuse, however, is the first step
in preventing and/or stopping it. The book abounded with well-researched
information into the inner workings of each of these areas (many of which I
previously had no insight into).
There are rather disturbing details present, which
could obviously be triggering for some. Also, the material was quite graphic, which
could be upsetting to some people. But just as Cuties could not show how
damaging certain things on the Internet are to young girls without showing it,
there is no way to write about how damaging sexual abuse is without writing
about it. I would definitely not say that anything that Vicki or her husband
wrote was inappropriate or unnecessary in telling their story. Just be warned
though that it is not for the faint of heart.
You may be stopping right there, saying, “Oh,
I don’t want to read about that then. I don’t want those unpleasant pictures in
my mind.” Yeah. It’s easier to stay in your nice little world where children
are not brainwashed and abused, isn’t it? But if good people remain silent and do
not stand up to evil, they are no longer good. We must have the courage to act
when something is not right, and we must be willing to protect those who cannot
protect themselves . . . even if it means putting our own selves at risk. Vicki’s husband commented on her own mother’s inaction throughout Vicki’s life: Denial was so much easier.
Unfortunately, however, it is not always easy to
determine when something is not right. There are many children who are in
abusive homes (either verbally abusive, emotionally abusive, sexually abusive,
or some combination of these three) yet they put on a smiling face and appear
to the world as if everything is fine—often more than fine. Some of these
children even compensate by overachieving: appearing to their teachers, friends, and
extended family as an exemplary student, all-star athlete, and picture-perfect
role model. As the authors state: “The invisibility of looking ‘normal’ makes
detection almost impossible.”
It is only through awareness that we stand a chance at
recognizing when something is wrong, and it is only then that we can step in
and make a difference. Remember: victims are often treated as culprits. Through
OUR education, we can come to recognize victims and help them to speak the truth and break free from their abuse. That is why reading this book is so important.
One of the most interesting parts of the book to me
was learning more about how the minds of sex offenders may work. Vicki had the
opportunity to attend therapy sessions with some sex offenders and she
described one who would “rail at sex offenders when they were shown on TV: ‘They
ought to cut their you-know-what off.’” Vicki stated that he had been able to
compartmentalize his own behavior. This helped me to potentially understand the
mindset of a man I know who often berated his children while they were growing
up, severely scarring their emotional psyche. I have never understood the hypocrisy
of his current, frequent posting of memes that preach against the exact same conduct.
I wonder if he has compartmentalized his behavior in much the same way that the
sex offenders Vicki wrote of did?
Trying to unravel what was going on in the head of
Vicki’s father was fascinating as well. Like many narcissists, others saw Tom
as charismatic, generous, and successful, while Vicki knew the truth: that he
was a great salesman and very manipulative. Even Vicki’s own husband—who knew
what he had done to Vicki—admitted that he liked the man, and often had a hard
time accepting that the things he learned about Tom were true (at one point
stating, “It just did not seem like her father—the one that I knew,”). It was
remarks like this throughout the book that helped to underscore the importance
of reading it because it reminds us that others are not always what they seem
and evil enjoys the fact that most people would rather deny its existence than acknowledge it, speak Truth over it, and fight against it.
Most of you know that I have written many books. Honestly, if I were
to write a novel with Vicki as the main character and this character went through
everything that Vicki actually went through, the book would fall flat on its
face and receive terrible reviews. I would be sharply criticized for creating
an “unrealistic” story, packed with events for the sole purpose of “shock value.”
But Vicki’s story is not a novel, and the true events contained within actually happened
to her. So horrific and unbelievable were many of the events that Vicki herself
often doubted the veracity of them, but she and her husband put in the
painstaking work to corroborate that her memories were indeed accurate. The
book describes not only these events, but how they affected her, how she’s
overcome them, and what she has done to help others. I greatly appreciated the desire
of both Vicki and her husband to serve Jesus through their hardships. Their
entire lives have been devoted to serving others, and sharing their experiences
with others is but one way they strive to do just that. I believe this book is
a tremendous and valuable resource for many, and I encourage you to read it.
