The Toilet's Always Greener On The Other Side Of The Fence

HB2 was recently passed in my home state of North Carolina. There is little doubt in my mind that you have already heard about it and have an opinion either for or against it, but if for some strange reason you haven’t heard about it, you can click here to read a conservative spin on the new law, or click here to find a liberal one.

From the many arguments I’ve read, a key word to the entire issue seems to be “uncomfortable”. Some folks are “uncomfortable” going potty in a restroom with people who have the same parts they themselves were born with. Some people are “uncomfortable” going potty in a restroom with people who do not have the same parts they themselves were born with. And yes, I know it’s supposed to say, “parts with which they themselves were born,” but I write the way the majority of people actually talk (err . . . speak). Check out my award-winning novel FREE to see for yourself.

(Wow, that was slick, wasn’t it?) Anyway, let’s recap. At stake here is: who has more of a right to be comfortable, and—in doing so—make somebody else uncomfortable? Everyone knows that the squeaky wheel gets the oil, and there’s a whole lotta squeakin’ going on right now. Eventually one side is probably going to get the oil though because they make themselves SO annoying that eventually we will do anything they want if they will please just SHUT UP! But what’s really more important is: who is right? And whose rights are more important?

I definitely have an opinion about this whole issue, although I’ve stayed quiet until now. But this doesn’t seem to be going away like the cake-baking controversy finally did, so I may as well tell you what I think about the whole thing and try to convince you to believe the same way I do (because, ya know, nothing changes minds quite like posting on the Interweb!).

Before I tell you what I believe though, (I know, I know . . . the suspense is killing you!) I would like to mention the fact that I am a HUGE fan of family bathrooms. When my son was younger, it was often upsetting to me to send him into the men’s bathroom all by his lonesome. You could say it made me . . . uncomfortable. But the main reason I’m a huge fan of family restrooms is because I was my father’s primary caretaker during the last few years of his life. Due to mobility issues from Lewy Body Dementia, he couldn’t go to the bathroom without assistance. Our outings and excursions were often dictated by what type of bathroom would be available to us, if his diaper would be sufficient for our trip, and whether or not he was going to have a number two while we were out. So, my devotion to family bathrooms is NOT because I think they are the answer to the whole HB2 issue, but because sometimes two people of two different genders actually need to occupy one bathroom at the same time. (And by the way, if you want to talk about feeling uncomfortable, let’s talk about helping your mom or dad wipe . . .)

Butt I digress, and I'm sorry. I know you're anxious to get to the bottom of things. Okay, those were so bad that my cheeks are flushed. Would you please bare with me for just one more paragraph though? I’d really like to tell you about a few other people who are uncomfortable in the bathroom.

Every year, about 130 million people get dysentery (an inflammation of the intestines causing diarrhea with blood), and about 750,000 die from this disease. More than a million people get colorectal cancer every year and about 750,000 of those people die. Bladder cancer affects over 400,000 people every year and kills over 160,000 people annually. Cholera strikes an estimated 3–5 million people worldwide, killing between 55,000 to 130,000. Across the globe, five million people live with Crohn's disease and ulcerative colitis. Up to thirty percent of cancer patients who are undergoing chemotherapy will develop severe or life-threatening chemotherapy-induced diarrhea.

Care how I feel about HB2? There’s so much other crap to worry about . . .